Holiday misunderstanding rant

So, Jesus Christ, the Jewish messiah, is put to death by crucifixion, body tossed in a cave, and three days later rises from the dead. The only person, by the way, ever written about to rise from the dead and not immediately start eating the brains of the living. Anyway, so he's back from the dead, and to celebrate, the Easter Bunny gives us chocolate and hides brightly colored eggs. I don't get it. Or at least I didn't used to get it. I think I figured some of it out. Apparently this bunny is actually an extortionist and uses threats and actual violence to be included in the Easter celebration. I'm guessing that licensing and copyright fees must make him enough money to not have to work the rest of the year. Click the Easter Bunny link to the right and watch the Easter Bunny video. Go on, I dare you. It's safe to watch. Just not very Eastery.
Cute cuddly bunny my ass! And don't even get me started on that fat guy in the red suit and his Columbian cartel connections. Or the Pine Tree Mafia who has convinced us to chop down live trees and replant them, temporarily, in our living rooms to celebrate the birth of a Savior. Are we really that gullible? No really, Christ was born to save us all from our sins and to mark the occasion we'll hang lights on a dying tree and nail our socks to the fireplace mantel. Then later we'll eat tons of turkey and get into a drunken argument with our unemployed, liberal Democrat brother-in-law. Just like Joseph and the wise men. Or was that Wiseguys?
Oh, and don't forget to pay your taxes.