Monday, December 18, 2006

Fat guys in wetsuits

I hate amusement parks. I hate everything about them. I hate the crowds of obnoxious, rude people. I hate the fact that they hold you captive in a park miles from anywhere, forcing you to pay outrageous sums of money for crappy, bland, food. I hate the fact that they have the sack to charge you a small fortune to get into their parks. I hate most of the rides, almost all of the employees, and their insane idea that EVERY movie needs to have a ride. Unfortunately, my girlfriend believes that Florida was invented just for amusement parks.
So, in an effort to show her that there are other things to do in Florida that didn't involve overpriced everything and 6' rats prancing around, I found myself on the pier in Crystal River at 9:30 am. In a wetsuit. I decided that to spice things up we would go diving in search of the elusive, deadly, man-eating Florida water life. The most dangerous creature to inhabit these warm waters of the Homosassa Springs. That's right, the Manatee!!! Feared creature of the springs, growing to the size of a small school bus. With jaws that could crush a Ford Pinto, and teeth made for shredding flesh from bone. And all we would be armed with was an underwater camera and a death wish.
Ok, they're not meat eaters, but they're still pretty cool. We set out with Captain Jack, 6 of my friends, and about 8 others, to track them down. We spent about 2 1/2 hours in the 72 degree water, swimming with and petting the Manatees. Even cantankerous curmudgeon Conservatives revert to being 8 year-olds in the presence of these beautiful, docile creatures. They swim right up to you and are as curious about you as you are about them. It was definitely the best part of our vacation and well worth the drive to get there. For more info go to the website.

Other things turned out not to be so good. If you ever have the chance to go to the "Arabian Nights" dinner theatre, find a rusty ax and chop off a limb instead. It's less painful, and you'll always have a good story to tell. And avoid the Hard Rock Casino in Tampa like the plague. hey aren't necessarily bad, they are just not a real casino yet. Someday they'll grow up and be just like their big brothers, just not yet.
Overall, not a bad vacation. I got to spend time with my girl (we didn't take the kids), I got to see my family, and catch up with my best friend Wyatt, and my old neighborhood friend Kimmy. I love you both and hope nothing but joy for you and yours.
So now the vacation is over, and it's back to work. Look for more, and hopefully sooner, articles on those bastards, oops, I mean the liberals who are attempting to destroy our country.